Untitled.

It's 3:40 a.m. and I'm woken by a flash of light. It's as if someone has stepped into our room and turned on the lights. I sit straight up trying to collect my sleeping thoughts, "What's happening, Where was that from, What was that." Then as if to answer another beam shoots through the second story window of our room and immediately I'm frozen with fear. How could a light so bright be coming through with such intensity, clearly trying to find me. Having no other choice I carefully go to my window. Outside creeping slowly towards the house is a white SUV with a solitary blue light upon it and a mounted search light peering through the windows. I lunge back. What does he want? Who is he looking for? The officer steps out , flash light in hand, and surveys the property. I explain it to Damon and then go to see if the children are ok. He is looking for someone. I head to the top of the steps and wait. Shattering the silence is a small tap upon the door. Before I can cautiously get to it , it's gone. I run back to the window in my room, panicked by what is going on, to see the officer's vehicle creeping into the darkness unsatisfied.I want to scream, "Please don't go! Tell me what to be afraid of!!"
I go to Damon hoping he can erase the memory, make it go away or at least come up with better scenarios than my mind is playing out. Uncertainty though ,can there be much worse? Unfazed by the happenings he is back to sleep and I am in the dark prepared to jump at a moments notice to any creature,sound or shadow that dares interrupt the silence. But nothing. I get up. I can't take just laying there waiting for whatever or whoever it is to strike. So I make my way down the hall, when at the top of the steps I see him. Standing at my front door covered in darkness. With my own two eyes I spy a man through the small panes of glass on our patio, waiting, for me. After seeing the badge on his arm and regaining my composure I leap down the stairs to beg an answer from him. Within seconds we are talking. "Is something wrong?", I ask. " Well yes, I'm looking for, do you happen to know, ...Loren or BettyJean Anderson?" "They're my landlords, this is there home..." "Ah oh ok I see, well we have found there vehicle in diamond head...with a body in it,a man, I need to reach them." My heart sinks. He has given me the implications that it is not Loren, only leaving their son. I feel as if for a moment I am the mother and this man is saying without saying that my son is dead.
I do everything I can to lead him to them. All the while I want to go and catch BettyJean as she falls, hold Loren's hand as he sobs. It's not fair to lose your child like a thief in the night. It's not fair to hear it from a stranger. What was their last moment? Did they have dinner together that night? Where they happy together? Was his bed made? He was burned beyond recognition, do they remember how his face was at last glance? Will that hurt ever lessen for them? I look out the window and see beautiful flowers blowing in the wind and I'm angered. Who the hell allows a beautiful flower and day to exist amongst such tragedy? How can I protect my children from these things? I can barely get laundry done, how can I expect to save them from the unknown? I will say that I do not know if it is really there son who is dead. But from what information I heard, it's not outrageous to believe that is the case. What is grinding in my gut at this moment is that life, is still moving. It doesn't pay any respect to this loss. I know it's silly to think that anything is owed to us, but tell that to the grieving on this day. I'm not quite sure what I'm grieving at this moment, I just know that it's there hiding in the day light.